I think every human being in this world has this question in their mind. We say ”I love you” to the ones in romantic relationships, our family, friends, and even acquaintances. But we all have doubts, “Is this true love?” No one seems to know what true love is.
Let me ask you a question. When do you feel that you love someone? You might feel love when someone is nice to you and says sweet words, gives you gifts, stays by your side, listens to you, etc. But when that person stops doing these things, you might think that person is changed, or that person’s love is changed. The truth is that love itself never changes, but your mind is changed. The feeling of love is a very self-centered emotion because this feeling comes when things suit you. The feeling of love changes according to your preference, which is merely your self-centered concepts and self-made standards. There is not one single person in the world who fits your standards all the time. And even “your standard” changes from time to time. The human mind is supposed to change.
True love is nothing like that. True love doesn’t change, no matter what. I’ve been meditating for ten years. Through meditation practice, I realized that true love is all about acceptance. If you cannot accept people as they are, you don’t truly love them.
I used to make judgments on people constantly. I wished I could stop it, but I couldn’t. After I started meditation, I could see that all the judgments I made were based on my self-centered perspective, which is not true. I made judgments because I had standards of likes and dislikes, good and evil, and right and wrong. I identified what they were and discarded them through meditation practice. When I discarded my judgments on people, I was able to accept people as they are and truly love them.
As human beings, we all have standards that have us make judgments on others. These standards are made of each person’s life experiences; none of them are true. If you can eliminate them, you can accept people as they are without any judgments. If you can accept people as they are, you can truly love them. Then you may ask, “Can I possibly accept and love others truly?” Yes, you can.
To do that, first, you need to reflect on yourself and understand others. Here are some steps you can follow to do the self-reflection and understand others.
- Take some quiet time and think of just one person you want to think about. Look into your heart and identify what you like about that person and what you don’t. Also, ask yourself why.Then, write them down. When you do this practice, you should try to think from an objective perspective and be honest with yourself.
- Admit that whatever comes to your mind is only from your perspective.No one has precisely the same thoughts and feelings. Your perspective is just a construct of your own life experiences. That’s it. Now, tell yourself that the judgments you make based on your viewpoint are not true. Then you can let them go more quickly.
- Imagine that you lived the same life as that person did.
Imagine that you were born into that person’s family, had the same personality as that person, lived in the same environment, went to the same school, had the same friends, etc. Then, ask yourself, “would I be any different with that person?” Then, you can understand that the person has good reasons to be like that.This drill will help you to stop making judgments and accept that person as she/he is. If you can accept people as they are, you can embrace and love them.
But, there is one thing you should keep in mind. Accepting someone doesn’t mean that you must agree with whatever that person says. After you discard your standards, you will have wisdom, and then you can see what is right and what is wrong without making any judgments. If there’s anything you can do about it, you will do it naturally. You help them not for your purposes or intention but for their good by adjusting to their states of mind or conditions. And you will also know when to wait. This is how you can truly love someone.
I know that meditation is the best way to reflect on yourself, find what keeps you from accepting others, and eventually eliminate it. With meditation you can find the meaning of true love. I hope you find the right answer.
I’d like to share a short video clip that explains true love’s meaning in a simple yet straightforward manner.
