My dad collapsed from a cerebral hemorrhage and was hospitalized. He was in a coma for a few days. I went to the hospital on Saturday. Since the caregiver had to go home during the weekend, mom asked us to take turns staying in the hospital and taking care of him. I said it was hard to sleep in the hospital because of work on weekends. Then my mom told me, “How selfish you are!” How could she say that? I was the one who looked for the hospital and the doctor when he collapsed. I couldn’t go to work for two days at that time.
I was angry at what she said because I had thought that I had always done my best as the firstborn.
Mom’s words remained painfully in my heart. What she told me was the opposite of the life direction I pursued. I was the kind person who felt pity when I saw someone in need and wanted to help somehow. I never thought I was a selfish person.
Years later, while meditating, I remembered what happened at the hospital. After looking back several times, I could see it from a completely different perspective than I had thought. The words mom said I was selfish were correct. All the things I did were for myself, not for my parents. In my mind, I didn’t want to hear their complaints, and I wanted to listen to I was doing good.
I had to admit that others could see better about me. I realized that I was stuck in my thoughts. I was wrong, and the world was right.
Since then, I could reflect more deeply on myself. I try to live with a bigger heart abandoning the narrow mind through meditation. Thank you, mom. Your words made me look back profoundly. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. 🍁🍂🌸
