One day I was watching a Korean series ‘Home town Cha-cha-cha’- one scene caught my attention- sorry, spoiler alert. One of the main character in the movie, moved from Seoul to a small town where the natives where very close to each other. She believed she was smarter and better than everyone in that town. There was this scene where she was on a call with her friend(from Seoul) and she was talking negatively about a guy (from that town), who she thought was a failed musician. She was not aware that there was a mike next to her which was turned on and everybody in the town could hear her talking including the singer himself. The singer was very hurt by her words and decided to end his career as a musician. His state of shame and disgrace was like his clothes were ripped off in public and left there naked.
I could totally relate to that female character and that scene made me realize how my critics toward others have hurt them to the core.
I grew up in a society where critic was seen as a usual norm in any conversation. It was believed that telling people “like it is” would help them shape their behavior to a better one in life. Criticism is also considered as immoral and a bully act in other part of the world.
I remember one time I made a comment to my foreign friend and it devastated her. This friend of mine had returned from a summer holiday so when we met, I though she was tanned and had gained weight. So I hugged her and blurted out in a positive way “ wow, you are tanned” and she smiled and I continued “and you have gained weight too” she went silent and avoided me the entire evening. I was not aware at all how my words hurt her and I thought maybe she wasn’t feeling well.
So weeks passed by and when I texted her or met her in different gathering she avoided and acted strangely towards me. So later on I got to know that my big mouth was the reason for her silence. So I apologized to her and I had to explain that it was normal where I came from to comment on someone’s physique or appearance and laugh about it without worrying of the person on the receiving end.
Because both of us were from different geographical and cultural background- there are thing that seem as normal in other countries and similar thing can be viewed as a taboo or immoral in other places.
Sometimes criticism could bring a positive growth to a person or community but it could also deteriorate a person’s sense of existence. It depends how you give it and also how the other person receive it. Some might be defensive or angry when they are criticized, while others might accept and embrace criticism positively and use it for their personal growth.
Lets take an example of hedgehog, it is know as a very difficult animal to pick and cuddle because of their sharp quills. But the owners of the hedgehogs know that their pets can be easily handled if done correctly.
Some people have the personality of a hedgehog and are ready to attack and defend themselves all the time. Such people have a less ability to accept things or other people.
When such people are understood well and accepted, it is easy to handle and bring out their shine to the world.
So if people have opportunity to self reflect through Meditation, they can see how they have lived their lives and can fully understand and able to work on themselves. Through Meditation, I have been able to see myself and how I have handled and reacted when criticize by others. And I surely didn’t take criticism well enough but I was very eager to give it. I was able to see the things I was hard to accept and how I was too critical in almost everything. I thought I knew it all and did not want to hear any other person’s opinions but I was very quick and ready to give mine.
I was too focused to prove to everyone that I was right and when my mental paradigm was slightly shifted- it was chaos. In other situation, I felt like I did suffocate others with my “I know everything” persona.
Through meditation, I was able to let go all of the minds that blocked me from accepting things around me. When I immediately begin to accept myself, the gate to self improvement was widely opened. I now understand that there’s is no any other route I could have used to reach where I am now. It is difficult to let go if one still dwells on the past experiences and thinks that they could have done things differently. Acceptance begin with yourself first.
It doesn’t matter what you have done in your life, or how horrible you were to others- all you need is to accept that mind and repent through meditation.
There is no hero or villain in this world- these are just labels inside our minds. We have created different labels; situations, gender, rich/poor, smart/dull, hardworking/lazy, ugly/beautiful, good/bad, clean/ dirty etc. And we have lived our lives judging each other, but excusing ourselves and believing that we are better humans than others.
Typically we are living in the shadows of our past experiences, geographical background and also tied up with the roots of our ancestor minds. These are what we have been calling and defining ourselves. Through meditation method, one can get rid of all the shadows and free themselves from the generational suffering and repetitive ways of living. Once one is free from all these, then he can find his true-self.
I am sorry to all the people I have hurt or talked negatively in this journey called life. The people I have spoke behind their back with confidence, the one I have criticized their ability because they couldn’t meet my narrow mindset. The time I gave fake compliments to sound nice and deep inside I laughed at them very hard. It was difficult to accepts others, and see the good and potential in them. I thought I was the best one and I could not take any criticism when the tables were turned towards me.
What unifies all of us is the acceptance heart that we all have within ourselves. All we need is to dig deep, remove all the hurdles, bricks, dirt, stones that has made the people we perceive to be and find our true existence.
The path of finding one’s true-self is the ultimate purpose for each of us.
I will share a video with you and I hope you enjoy watching it.
