- Identify and evaluate the exact issue
You could start by asking yourself a few questions:-
- What is the issue exactly?
- Who is involved?
- Is it within or outside your control?
- If within your control, what can you do?
Sometimes the answers are obvious. Sometimes not so. When I have trouble identifying the exact issue, I would try to write it down. Writing gives me better clarity.
- Discuss with family members (where possible)
After doing No.1, align as much as possible with family members on expectations and next steps. It is important to note that mostly, we will be viewing things from our own viewpoint. And our family members may have a different viewpoint altogether. So, in the discussion, try your best to listen to each other and focus on reaching a resolution.
- Take necessary action
Depending on how No.1 and No.2 goes – take necessary steps to resolve.
- Put measures in place so that issue does not recur
Once the issue is resolved, take steps as a family to ensure the issue does not repeat itself in the future.
- Seek professional help if required
Sometimes discussions with family members may not have an agreed resolution. Sometimes it may not be possible to even have a discussion. No matter what it is, seek help where required. There is nothing wrong with seeking help.
- Take care of your wellbeing
Dealing with issues requires energy, emotional strength and effort. Make time to care for your physical and mental wellbeing.
- Have a strong support system
For some issues, you’re going to need it a lot. The support system could be really good friends, extended relatives, teachers. Basically, anyone who’s got your back and who will be there for you.
In my case, doing some of the above (e.g. No.2–4) was extremely difficult until meditation became a part of my family’s lives. My parents separated in my teens and divorced a few years after. Coupled with financial difficulties, these issues were enough to break the family.
So for a long time, family to me just meant pain, hurt, stress with little communication between us for the things that mattered. Things became slightly better in my early 20s after some time passed and the emotions not so raw. Right now though in my 30s, things are at its best.
The turning point? When both my parents and I started meditation a few years back.
After meditating for a few years, my relationship with my parents improved a lot. For the first time after 10++ years, I could laugh big-belly laughs with mom and dad. And I could communicate with them without feeling stressed. Before meditation, we mainly avoided dealing with issues and/or blame the situation/each other.
Also, very recently, due to a meditation event, my parents who are living in different cities had the chance to sit down together in the same space and talked face-to-face with each other for the first time after 10++ years. There was bitterness and resentment during the first few rounds of conversation.
After 2-3 days however, my mom, who had always suppressed her feelings previously, openly told my dad about some things she hoped to resolve. And my dad, for the first time, actively listened.
Meditation helped us to discard all our past hurt, self-centered viewpoints and unrealistic expectations. It also helped break our habit of avoiding issues and not communicating. This gave us strength to even want to face an issue and allowed us to actually listen and accept what the other person has to say with an open heart.
I’m really grateful. 🌷
I hope this can help you. And I really hope your family too can positively overcome issues together. 🍀
Thank you! 💛
