I think depression is one of the most challenging states of mind to deal with. I went through the difficult period twice. But now I feel very grateful for those difficult times because my life has completely changed. I want to share how I was able to get rid of my depression.
People have different life experiences, ups, and downs, good and bad. So, the cause of depression is different from person to person. However, from my own experience, I’ve learned that the ultimate solution is to find the meaning of life regardless of the causes.
When my first depression came to me, my overall conditions weren’t so good. I was unemployed, preparing for an exam to become an official in a government department. I wasn’t enjoying it much and wasn’t confident about passing the exam, either. I was living alone and spending most of the time by myself.
One day I got an invitation to one of my friends’ wedding. It was just a typical occasion for people of my age. But this one hit me. – Later, I understood that this event somehow seriously triggered my unhappiness and dissatisfaction with myself at that time. – Without any clear reasons found, I suddenly became so ill. My whole body felt as if all the energy was draining out. I dropped down to severe sadness and loneliness. I didn’t understand what was going on with me.
I couldn’t continue my study. And I spent many hours lying in bed and sleeping. But still, I had to work to feed myself. I found myself a job. Looking back on me, I think I was fortunate at that time. Because I had to force my body to move to work, instead of just staying at home, I was able to come out of depression slowly. When you are depressed, it can be tough to lift your body and move. But you should anyhow.
I also tried to let go of the burden of uncertainty about my future. I just focused on what was going on every moment of my life. I tried to do things that I could enjoy. I met people who I felt comfortable with. And this way, I was gradually getting back to normal. I lived a “normal” life, laughing, having fun, and even making plans for the future.
However, I sensed that the depression was not completely gone. I knew that it was still there, somewhere in me. I had this fear of what if the depression comes back. What if I do terrible things that a depressed person can do. I couldn’t be free from the fear of depression for coming back.
And about ten years ago, my depression came back. This time it was different from the first one. I was a teacher, which is a very stable job. I was acknowledged at work. I kept having good relationships with my family and friends. So, I didn’t understand why my depression came back. It was evident that the external conditions were not the causes. I tried to figure out what were the causes of my depression.
One day this realization suddenly hit my head. “I don’t know why I am living.” “What is the meaning of my life?” I thought to myself, “Well, I was born, I have been living, I am working, etc. But so what? For what, am I doing all this?” I couldn’t answer these questions.
I felt so lost because I knew that improving outer conditions wouldn’t solve this problem. I didn’t know what to do. But, everything became apparent when I realized that all my problems came from the inside of my mind, and therefore, the answer must be found from the inside. That was how I started to look into my mind with meditation.
Through meditation practice, I learned that whatever I had experienced in my life was taken as pictures and automatically stored in my mind. Those were just my own copies of the real world, which means that they were all false.
We can only live according to what we have in our minds. That’s how we live. If we have something that causes depression, we feel depressed. Then what does this mean? It means that the ultimate solution is to get rid of the causal minds within completely. Putting aside or suppressing it can be a solution, but it’s only temporary, like I experienced with my first depression.
After I began meditating, I reflected on myself and saw what I had in my mind. I discarded them, including both depression and the fear of depression coming back. The more I emptied my mind, the lighter my heart became. Gradually what is true started to reveal by itself. I could sense that I was getting freer from the fear. Then I began to grasp the meaning and purpose of my life. I continued meditating. When I finally found the meaning of life, I knew that my depression had gone. It was then that I realized that the true meaning of life could be found within us.
I used to be able to live okay even without knowing the meaning of life. I didn’t pay much attention to questions such as “Why am I living? What is the purpose of all this?” But at one point in my life, when these questions came to me, I was almost in a panic because I didn’t know where to find the answers.
When you find the meaning of your life, there is no depression. Now that I know that depression is gone, I feel so free and grateful.
I hope you can try whatever method you feel comfortable with to look into your mind and find the meaning of your life. I hope you become free from depression and happy.
