“The other person is wrong, but I am wrong, too.”
More than a decade ago, a meditation teacher looked at me and said this in a soft and gentle tone. When I first heard his words, I thought to myself, “If I am also wrong, then how am I supposed to live my life?” So, while I agreed with him, I also had doubts, and several years passed without those doubts being resolved.
Then one day, I was working in an office and got into a heated disagreement with a colleague of mine who I worked with often. Being much more experienced, I could clearly see that her ideas wouldn’t work out, and therefore I couldn’t go along with her. It also made me anxious about getting a bad result. I tried to explain to her one-by-one why her idea was wrong, and I urged her that we should do things my way in order to produce good results. Still, she did not back down from her argument, insisting that her ideas were right.
It was during this moment of tension that I suddenly heard again the words of the meditation teacher from long ago, “Cerina, the other person is wrong, but you are wrong too.”
It was at that moment that I thought, “Well, if she is wrong, and even the idea that I am right is also wrong, then, no matter what follows, the result will always be wrong. Then, what need do I have to stick to these thoughts?”
When the answer to this question came, I was surprised at how simple it was.
I turned to her and said, “If that’s what you think, then let’s do it according to your ideas this time.” Her eyes immediately grew bigger, and her face displayed her embarrassment. It turns out that she already thought her idea was wrong, but due to her pride, she didn’t want to go along with my idea.
We ended up doing things her way, and as I expected, there were no results. I wasn’t too disappointed or angry, because I was already expecting it, but after that moment, I felt a big shift between us.
Then, for the first time, she came to me and said, “Why don’t we do it your way?” I began to feel a sense of stability between us for the first time.
Yes! Although I had to get some bad results by going along with her way, in return, I had won her heart. I never expected that to happen. Since that moment, she was willing to do things my way most of the time, and sharing our ideas openly with each other had become a pleasant experience. I had realized, also, that I was a nervous person about getting bad results. However, I learned that even if a bad result comes about, it is usually very easy to correct, so long as the other person’s heart was truly won.
I would like to share a video of a meditation method that allowed me to find these wise lessons within myself, even later in life:
