I’m negative. I like to remember other people’s shortcomings or bad things that happen to them, then criticize them with my best friends. It’s a bad habit, but I can’t break it. Recently, I’ve been thinking about this habit and I’m giving it up through meditation. Because I’m experiencing the effect, I wanted to share it with you.
- My childhood
I grew up with my parents, brother, and grandmother. There was a lot of poverty in Korea in the 1980s. In the past, we South Koreans borrowed money from our neighbors when we needed it. A neighbor came to borrow money from my grandmother. I looked down on the borrower as inferior. My parents harshly scolded me when I talked about my thoughts in front of adults. Back then, I didn’t know not to criticize others, but I thought if you want to criticize someone, you should do it secretly.
- Becoming an adult
One of my friends was very tolerant of men and, from my perspective, seductive. Besides being friendly to men, I thought she was bragging about her beauty. In conversations with friends, I talked about her misbehavior. Someone who watched me gave me a tip. She criticized me for unfairly using her as a scapegoat when she did nothing wrong. I was so embarrassed and in my heart, I hated and scared her.
- Recent me
This is what I see when I meditate every day. Everyone has flaws, from my perspective. No one fits my heart. I’ve always been trapped in the narrow world of my heart, so I’ve always been negative and unsuccessful. I should invest my energy in what I do, but blaming others is ruining my work. It hit me. I’m stumbling because of my negative personality.
My tendency to criticize others still exists. Through meditation, I constantly get rid of my negative personality. When I want to criticize others, I work. Clean up the files on the drive I normally put off. Walking quietly around the house would be better for me. Do cleaning. Make sure your body is kept active.
It’s time for me to change. Helping those in need is what motivates me to break free from the narrow mind of criticizing others. If someone reaches out to me for help, I want to be ready to hold their hand.
Changing was on my mind. The behavior is slowly changing now. The good news is that.
